Feet...

I am truly surprised that it has taken me this long to blog about feet. If you know me even a little bit, you know that I just don't do feet. I don't want to look at them, I don't want to think about them and I definitely don't want them near me... especially my face. Sure, feet help us to maintain balance, support us and help us to move which is all great and wonderful but they are also, disgusting...

Here is what I think of when it comes to feet:

Men - hairy toes, long toenails, dirt under the nail, smelly, sweaty, callused. Most men shove their feet in a sock all day and then put that socked foot in a shoe where the temperature only gets warmer and the germs and bacteria marinate in sweat all day. For those men who wear shoes without socks, well, you're nasty. Even though technically you are still shoving your foot in an enclosed space all day, now your foot nastiness gets all over your shoes too, your foot slides around and then your shoes permanently stink. If you wear sandals, well your foot is just exposed to all of the nastiness in the world all day. The worst part about flip flops for men and women is that after awhile there is an imprint of your foot on the actual sandal that you can never get off. It makes me sick...

Women - We have covered the flip flop portion however I see this all the time when geting pedicures - not only are the flip flops dirty but the bottom edges of the feet are black! I picture corns on toes from wearing sexy heels your entire life that are too tight in the toes, callused feet from uncomfortable or too tall heels, bunyons (ewww), yellow nails from wearing dark polish for too long, and OH MY GOD.... DID YOU HEAR ME MENTION CORNS??? Sure, a man or woman can get these things but again, this is what goes through MY mind.

Now, there is also the issue of athlete's foot, smelly shoes, smelly feet, or just plain ugly feet. I have seen feet that I would consider "nicer" than the rest but I would never categorize anyone's feet as "pretty". You might ask me if I have ever played "footsies" or touched toes when cuddling up and the answer is yes - but always on accident. There is a slight panic that runs through my body when I feel my foot brush someone else's even when there is a shoe on it. If I happen to be snuggling up to that someone special, well, let's just say I am all for crossing calves or wrapping a leg to let our feet phalanges roam free. There is just no need for intertwining toes. If my feet are cold, sit on them. Please don't cover mine with yours.

I'm gonna go throw up now...