For Bev, on her 59th Birthday...

On December 24, 1985, Beverly worked hard to get her three kids ready for the Christmas Eve church service that they attended every year. With a 5 year old and two 9 year olds who weren't as thrilled to go to church as they were for Santa to come, you can imagine the difficulty getting the kids out the door. Curt, Bev's husband, focused on getting his son ready while Bev made sure the two girls looked as cute as can be in their matching dresses and ringlet curls.

Getting out of the house on time was never easy no matter how much planning Bev did in advance but tonight, with images of being able to get a good night sleep in mind, Bev was determined for everything to go without a hitch. She would get the kids to church on time, she would get them to bed without any whining, they would fall asleep immediately and she would get a solid four hours before she had to wake back up again to make sure Santa had come. All went surprisingly well on this Christmas Eve. The kids were well behaved, they looked adorable and for once, they were going to be on time.

The evening church service was always a magical one. The lights were dimmed, the candles burned, the choir donned their special Christmas robes, and the beautiful sound of the choir singing "Carol of the Bells" sent chills down the spine. Bev and her two daughters loved the Christmas Eve service because they were all a huge fan of Christmas music and singing loud for all to hear. It was the parts of the service where there was no music or singing that Bev had to worry about. Her older son and daughter were fidgety but well behaved for the most part and her 5 year old, well, let's just say she was easily bored. Bev knew that her 5 year old would need to be entertained at all times so she sat her next to her father who would be able to keep her occupied through the parts of the service she was too young to understand or interest herself with. As Bev looked around she saw her friends with their families and she would smile and wave. It was a small church so everyone was pretty tight knit.

The sermon was beautiful and just when Bev started to really tune in, she felt the back of the pew bench moving back and forth and when she looked over, her youngest was swinging her legs back and forth with her hands tucked under her bottom. Bev nudged her husband and he cautioned his daughter to stop. She stopped swinging her legs and grabbed a bible from the back of the pew in front of her and started to flip through the pages. With a sigh, Curt let her look through the book hoping that would keep her entertained until the next musical number.

As the congregation was asked to put their heads down in a silent prayer, Bev closed her eyes. All she could hear was the pages of the bible whipping back and forth. She opened one eye and gave her daughter a stare down as if to say, "Knock it off"! Her youngest closes the bible and scoots forward to place it back in the rack on the back of the pew when SMACK!!!!!!! She missed. The bible smacked against the wooden floor and echoed throughout the church. The little girl looked at her mom and dad with flushed cheeks, embarrassed about what she had done. "Pick...it... up..." Bev mumbled through clenched teeth. The little girl slid off of the pew to her feet to get it as the rest of the congregation went back to their bowed heads. The little girl pulled up her wool tights and straightened her dress and as she bent over to pick up the bible, a loud RIPPING noise echoed through the church for a second time. Her youngest daughter has bent over so quickly that a loud FART had escaped her during the silent prayer!

Heads popped up, eyes opened, and all you could hear throughout the church was the creaking of church pews from shoulders shaking in laughter but no noise escaping anyone's mouths. Bev felt the heat move through her body and the tears stream down her face in sheer humiliation and horror at what her daughter had done. Occasionally in that 60 seconds you would hear other church goers gasp for breath from holding in their laughter. Bev looked into her daughter's eyes that were welled up with tears, grabbed her purse and ushered her family out of the church.

Aside from being publicly humiliated by her daughter, the rest of the night went perfectly. The kids went right to bed, Santa came early, and Bev got to go to bed and dream about that moment in church for the rest of her life.

To my mom, Bev, who has had to endure a lot of embarrassment from her youngest daughter. I love you. Happy Birthday!

Love, your little tooter. :)