Are you there God? It's me, Wuth!
OMG... Oh, my god... why do we say that? It's always been part of my vocabulary but I am not sure why. Is it offensive? Hmph!
Yesterday I told you all how I was going to take the next two days to gain a better understanding of the Easter Holiday. Sure, I could just look it up online but first, I wanted to think about church, the bible, and how I felt about it. Here is my disclaimer: My intent with this post is to show you how uneducated and stubborn I can be when it comes to my own understanding of the church, bible, and what our holidays actually stand for.
I go to church on some holidays. Why you ask? For me, holidays are a time of togetherness that you can share with everyone - not just your family and friends. Somehow it just made sense to go to church and be with other people who were in equally as good a mood as I and sing some tunes! Well, if I can go to church on a few holidays and celebrate, why wouldn't I make every Sunday a holiday and celebrate God? I think I might be open to this if no one talked "churchy" to me. When people talk "churchy" I get uncomfortable because I don't know what they are saying. It sounds like a different language to me and when I hear it, I end up looking around wide-eyed with my shoulders to my ears. They may say, "Peace be with you, Jackie. Praise God Hallelujah!" I say, "No hablo God." I don't speak bible. Heck, I don't even know the key players! I know there was a John, a Jacob and a Jingleheimer Schmidt, but I don't know what they did. Are Adam and Eve in the bible? What about Mother Nature?
Do I pray? Yes, sometimes... But I'm not sure who I am praying to. I know that it usually works for me when I really need help or direction but I guess somewhere inside I thought it always was the power of positive thinking. Faith. What is my faith? Hmmmmmmm, I'm not sure how to describe it. I just live my life by a set of morals I suppose. I believe to treat others as you would like to be treated, give and ye shall receive, everyone be treated equally, trust until given a reason to mistrust, kindness, forgiveness, and to be generous. I believe the children are our future... I believe I can fly... I believe in miracles... and I believe in you and me. I truly believe these things and practice these things although like anyone, I slip and "sin" sometimes. I just try and admit when I am wrong, acknowledge when I may have done something I'm not proud of, or acted like someone I don't want to be. Then I get up, move on, try to fix it and do my best to ensure that it never happens again. Is that the same in church? Maybe I'm not so far off? Again, no idea...
Overall, it scares me. Church and how some people respond to going to church (crying, falling down because they feel god), scares me. I don't know why, I can't explain it. Maybe it's because I am afraid of what I will find out, or find out what I have been missing all of these years, or maybe, I'm afraid of not being in control and handing the reigns of my life over to a guy I've never had a relationship with. I haven't had such successful relationships with the men in my life before. I'm not sure how comfortable I am at this point in my life giving all of my love, trust, and secrets up to the big guy that is otherwise known as God. I've gotten so used to being my own support system and a strong support system to everyone else in my life. I need to learn how to be more selfish and take care of me. How am I supposed to trust that a relationship with a man I've never met is going to help me with that? Do I deserve to celebrate these holidays considering my ignorance?
What does the Easter bunny have to do with Easter anyway? I don't get the whole bunny and eggs thing. As a kid growing up, Easter was about frilly dresses, bonnets, and hunting for eggs filled with candy. My brother and sister always got most of the eggs because they were older and faster. One year my mom filled an extra large egg and strategically placed it in the middle of the lawn so she could point me to it while videotaping all us kids running around. Well, I ran right by that big ol' egg and stepped in dog crap...
Tomorrow, in honor of the holiday and my dedication to gaining a better understanding of what the bible says, I am going to church. I am gonna sing, I am gonna pray, and I am gonna love it! And then I am gonna watch Steel Magnolias, because it's awesome. I just hope everyone at church will forgive me for being so stupid.
As always, thanks for reading and especially today, thanks for your patience!
Yesterday I told you all how I was going to take the next two days to gain a better understanding of the Easter Holiday. Sure, I could just look it up online but first, I wanted to think about church, the bible, and how I felt about it. Here is my disclaimer: My intent with this post is to show you how uneducated and stubborn I can be when it comes to my own understanding of the church, bible, and what our holidays actually stand for.
I go to church on some holidays. Why you ask? For me, holidays are a time of togetherness that you can share with everyone - not just your family and friends. Somehow it just made sense to go to church and be with other people who were in equally as good a mood as I and sing some tunes! Well, if I can go to church on a few holidays and celebrate, why wouldn't I make every Sunday a holiday and celebrate God? I think I might be open to this if no one talked "churchy" to me. When people talk "churchy" I get uncomfortable because I don't know what they are saying. It sounds like a different language to me and when I hear it, I end up looking around wide-eyed with my shoulders to my ears. They may say, "Peace be with you, Jackie. Praise God Hallelujah!" I say, "No hablo God." I don't speak bible. Heck, I don't even know the key players! I know there was a John, a Jacob and a Jingleheimer Schmidt, but I don't know what they did. Are Adam and Eve in the bible? What about Mother Nature?
Do I pray? Yes, sometimes... But I'm not sure who I am praying to. I know that it usually works for me when I really need help or direction but I guess somewhere inside I thought it always was the power of positive thinking. Faith. What is my faith? Hmmmmmmm, I'm not sure how to describe it. I just live my life by a set of morals I suppose. I believe to treat others as you would like to be treated, give and ye shall receive, everyone be treated equally, trust until given a reason to mistrust, kindness, forgiveness, and to be generous. I believe the children are our future... I believe I can fly... I believe in miracles... and I believe in you and me. I truly believe these things and practice these things although like anyone, I slip and "sin" sometimes. I just try and admit when I am wrong, acknowledge when I may have done something I'm not proud of, or acted like someone I don't want to be. Then I get up, move on, try to fix it and do my best to ensure that it never happens again. Is that the same in church? Maybe I'm not so far off? Again, no idea...
Overall, it scares me. Church and how some people respond to going to church (crying, falling down because they feel god), scares me. I don't know why, I can't explain it. Maybe it's because I am afraid of what I will find out, or find out what I have been missing all of these years, or maybe, I'm afraid of not being in control and handing the reigns of my life over to a guy I've never had a relationship with. I haven't had such successful relationships with the men in my life before. I'm not sure how comfortable I am at this point in my life giving all of my love, trust, and secrets up to the big guy that is otherwise known as God. I've gotten so used to being my own support system and a strong support system to everyone else in my life. I need to learn how to be more selfish and take care of me. How am I supposed to trust that a relationship with a man I've never met is going to help me with that? Do I deserve to celebrate these holidays considering my ignorance?
What does the Easter bunny have to do with Easter anyway? I don't get the whole bunny and eggs thing. As a kid growing up, Easter was about frilly dresses, bonnets, and hunting for eggs filled with candy. My brother and sister always got most of the eggs because they were older and faster. One year my mom filled an extra large egg and strategically placed it in the middle of the lawn so she could point me to it while videotaping all us kids running around. Well, I ran right by that big ol' egg and stepped in dog crap...
Tomorrow, in honor of the holiday and my dedication to gaining a better understanding of what the bible says, I am going to church. I am gonna sing, I am gonna pray, and I am gonna love it! And then I am gonna watch Steel Magnolias, because it's awesome. I just hope everyone at church will forgive me for being so stupid.
As always, thanks for reading and especially today, thanks for your patience!
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ReplyDeleteI'm not really sure how someone could call that boring? Loved it jaks, too many people are afraid to actually explore and actually admit exploration of the supernatural and the unknown. We think that if there is no naturalized explanation of something it must fall into a hokey category called supernatural. Well I'm not really sure what requires more faith. In the Beginning there was a creator who made all things or in the beginning nothing exploded into everything!
ReplyDeleteI believe in the Bible that there is a New Testament verse where the Lord states "Each year, on the anniversary of my resurrection, gather together to paint eggs and eat chocolate bunnies!"
ReplyDelete